Do you ever wonder if anybody in the whole wide world deals with some of the things that you deal with? Do you ever wonder if your craziness is unlike anybody else, so much so that you would rather nobody know about your own craziness? Are there things that come to your mind and cause stress and distress that you would rather just go away and never return? Now I know that every human being is made in the image of God. And I know that each and every human being is unique. I also know that each and every human being is sinner, born in sin; separated from God as Father while being ruled by God as God. And I know that Satan and his demons are real, always wanting to stress and distress so that an undiluted devotion to God is next to impossible. But that knowledge though helpful does not take away some of the things I struggle with in my own mind, heart and soul. Let me share with you just one of those things and then show you what God showed me in His Word this week.
Here it is: I can have ten people affirm and love on me with great encouragement but then have two or three be critical either publicly or privately and go from the top of the mountain to the valley of despair. I want right now to delete that sentence, but I will go on. It seems so prideful, probably is. But I have battled this dark place in my life for years. In fact, there are two aspects of who I am that have caused me many times to come closer than anyone knows to walking away from the pastorate. The first is my introversion. I am a very private person. I do not and have never needed or wanted a lot of people in my life. I am today sitting with my fingers on this keyboard having spent very happily three full days in my study without seeing anyone but Anne and my mother-in-law. I cannot begin to tell you how much trouble being an introvert has created for me as a pastor. The second is this pain that comes with the arrival of public or private criticism. Now here is the almost laughable fact: it is always from a very small group of people whose bark is usually far worse than their bite but it has always had for me the feel of a little bitty dog facing a pit bull. I stay awake at night fretting (should be praying I know). I get anxious. I even get angry with thoughts in my head that would make an assassin smile. Not quite or remotely godly.
It was happening to me recently when I became aware of a handful of people standing fully against some of what I stood fully and faithfully for over many years as a pastor. I forgot in an instant all those who loved and cared for me, not to mention the fact that the Bible is clear that standing for Truth in any age is costly. I was tucking my puppy dog tail and sulking in the face of the force of these few pit bulls. And then I read through Romans 16 and God showed me what I had never seen before.
I love the Greek Bible. I spend time every morning reading it. I had just come to the end of Romans in the midst of my paranoid produced pain. Paul begins to greet people who are his friends and family. He is praising God for who they are and what they share together. He calls their names out to God, (Romans 16:1-16). And then in Romans 16:21-24 he begins again to name some of the names of those with him who are rejoicing with the saints in Rome. He ends the letter with beautiful blessing or benediction, 16:25-27. But in the middle of all of this great rejoicing and encouragement are verses 17-20 where Paul calls attention to the few troublemakers in the church. He does not mince words. He speaks plainly: they are not servants of God. Stay away from them. They belong to Satan. God will soon crush Satan under His feet. Then it hit me: he never mentions their names. He has given them to God to deal with according to His justice and righteousness. He gives himself and all the saints in the church at Rome to the obedience to God and His Word to which the church is called.
I needed that word from God in Romans 16. You may too. You might not fight this battle in your life as I have for most of my adult life. But you have other battles that you fight. We all do. And we all will until we go to be with Jesus or until He comes to get us. Fight on. Trust hard. May the mind of Christ overtake daily our own thoughts and desires. Amen.